It's okay and you're okay.

A blogger who I follow faithfully has announced they need to take some time out; the blog has become huge and it's becoming an emotional strain. 
Another admits to depression and anxiety attacks, despite having hundreds of thousands of fans. 
How can this be? How can successful writing / blogging make people unhappy? Or, perversely, how can they NOT be happy, making other people happy?


Speaking for myself, every personal slight is taken as a huge knockback, every 'downer day' as irreparably lost, every sideways glance as virtual hate mail. I look for the negative connotation to every positive comment. I know I'm not alone.


When are we enough? When do we stop struggling to be; to reach the unattainable image we have of ourselves? When is enough 'enough'?


When we stop to tell each other a positive ("Great job!", "Love that colour on you!", "You really have a way with words", "Impressed by that report you handed in") do we really think about it? 
Do we wonder how that comment is received? 
Do we give out compliments like this so regularly that they lose their genuine-ness? Do they sound flippant? 
Do we give them out so rarely they cause alarm when they are uttered?

Does the recipient of our compliment see it as a compliment? 
Do they process it as a "good thing"?

Maybe that's not our problem; the person receiving the compliment needs to accept it as given. True or false?

What a lot of us want and don't find in the world is acceptance. Acceptance for who we are.
As a long time depressive person, I hear these comments about myself and others with depression:

"But I told her I liked her"
"We always told her how great she was at ...."
"But you're always so happy!"
"Forget them, you know you rock!"

Don't know about you, but none of that helps me. I still don't see myself in the comments made.

What some most of us want or need is in fact soul-food, by way of having our soul fed.
By being told we're okay.

Take a minute to take that in.
Y-O-U-R-E   O-K-A-Y

Not because you're funny or because you write well or you look good. Not even because you are a star athlete or a millionaire. Because you're OKAY. Just you, just as you are.

You stuff up and make mistakes. You say dumb things, you intentionally or unintentionally insult people. You struggle to forgive and forget. You just have days you wish you'd stayed in bed; everything has gone wrong since you got up. But you know what? You're OKAY.

In your heart and in your head, you are okay. You are, in fact, human, and therefore, you WILL make mistakes, you will do the wrong thing. You'll feel like a worm and need to apologise at times, but it's okay and you're okay.

We all work and think differently. We all have different motivators and demotivators. we each bump along in life to our own tune. We cross paths with people who simply can't understand us, distrust our motives.... [insert your own hurt here]. Just because we don't fit in doesn't mean we're faulty or damaged. No matter what people tell us, we aren't "weird" or "crazy" It just means we don't fit into their idea of "normal". And you know, that's not a bad thing.

Our value of ourselves shouldn't rely on other people's opinion of us. Value shouldn't be measured by how "good" we are at something.  And other people's opinions of us shouldn't be based on those indicators either! It can be a long hard road to find value in ourselves. The world sometimes seems full of people who want to hurt us, to change us or to bring us down.
(Hint: Chances are, they're not okay.)

Maybe we need to add to compliments "I like that about you", "you're a great person", "that likely comes from your kind heart"... add own ideas here! And remembering that there's a person at the other end of our comments. A real life feeling, hurting, stumbling person. Be they a blogger, a workmate, a family member or friend, they are a person and they are allowed to know that they are okay too. Maybe they think differently to you. (That's okay, remember?) Rather than "bagging" on them or feeding them in ways they can't appreciate, tell them they're okay. We like that they are okay!

And us? Maybe we need to try seeing ourselves through our own eyes sometime. Instead of measuring ourselves against someone else, measuring ourselves against ourselves. Setting our own goals to be better tomorrow than  today. Not better at anything in particular, just better at being "me", and becoming the best "me" we can be.

Because actually, we're okay.