kids say the.. sigh.. you know..

"Be prepared"

I learnt that in girl guides, sometimes it has stood me in good stead but not always.

It failed me with my kids, because at the time, they were kids and kids.. Just don't get it.

Like the time I hid a spare door key outside in case of emergency. When we were locked out, I went to get it, but one of the kids had used it and forgotten to put it back. Same as the spare emergency spare I didn't think they knew about. (This is also the time they announced the two youngest could fit through the dog flap, but that's another story for another time)

Like the time I had to hide their Christmas presents at someone else's house because I was all out of hiding spots in our house.

Like the times I used to set up a trail for them to find their birthday presents with clues along the way, only to find out (only last year) that child 2 used to get up an hour earlier than the family and follow the trail, open the presents, re-wrap them and be proud of being a step ahead of the game.

Like the time...
We set off on a family 'holiday' which started with a full day's drive, thereby defying the definition of holiday to start off. We had our family bus piled with toys, clothes, books, CDs, suitcases, four kids and us.

Here's how awesome a parent I thought I was. I photocopied the map, highlighted our route, and marked certain towns with different symbols. Some symbols meant 'stop here for a play in the park' some meant 'stop here for a picnic' and some meant 'ask mum for a treat'

I then had a bag for each child with assorted treats. Each time it was 'treat time' they'd get
to have a lucky dip into their bag. It may have been a (normally not allowed brand of) drink, snack, pencils, stickers, small toy, sweets... Assorted. Stuff.

Just before we all paraded into the circus bus, I mean van, I gave each child their map and explained the system. Child 1 2 and 3 were excited about the whole idea and sat in their seats, chattered with each other about the road, the route, wondering what each park would be like, what they were going to eat for lunch...

Ticked all the boxes for success.


Child 4, aged about 4, asked 'why do we have to wait for our treats?"

Huh?
My militant recalcitrant blessing.

"Mummy, I aksed you a question"

Yes, yes you did.



Well, why do we have to wait?

Because that's how we're playing the game.

Then it's a dumb game. Isn't it everyone? A dumb game.


The other kids laughed and said no it was going to be a fun game.



I think it's a dumb game.


At this stage we were at the end of our street and my patience was intact.

He sat quietly for a minute then started again.


What are the surprises?

If I told you they wouldn't be a surprise.

I don't like surprises. Are they good surprises?


Are they good surprises?

Do you think I'd give you bad ones?

Well you did, like the white power ranger present when I liked the green power ranger.
(a whole 'nother story folks)

Well except for that time.

So you don't always give good surprises, do you?

You're right, that one time I didn't.

What are they then?
Mummy?
What are they?
The treats?
Mummy?
Muuuuummmmmmyyyyyyyyyy

(Sigh) what?

What are the treats?

By now even the other kids are weighing in telling him it will all be okay and he was telling. them how dumb they were and they were telling him how dumb he was and he was telling them....

So anyways, we were by now at the next town half an hour away.

Mummy, I want to know what the treats are.
I want to know if they are good treats.
How come you get to hold them all?

(Those without children will be at this point wondering why I didn't just pull the 'because I'm the mum' card. It doesn't work. Trust me.)

My husband told me to shut the kid up, he had to drive another ten hours and couldn't do it with him whining and yapping.

So I did what every well prepared gracious loving mother would do.

I grabbed his grab bag of treats, threw them on his lap and said 'there have the damn things. Enjoy it all. All of it. Every single treat.'

Then child 2 said 'that's not fair, if he has his, we should all have ours.'
So I threw all the bags onto all the laps and sulked in my seat for nine and a half hours.

Like any girl guide would.