Kids. They say... stuff

A 'friend' on twitter (ie someone I only know by their twittername) posted on his blog the other day about the funny things his kids say.

fairicbaptist.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/ill-be-here-all-week-try-the-veal/

Then I saw someone has started a series of adult interpretations of his conversations with his 2 year old daughter.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdtD19tXX30

then there's the Star wars drama a man made to children's narration of a scene from the story from their own memory. (You'll never see Han Solo the same way)

www.happyplace.com/22823/actors-reenact-kids-retelling-of-star-wars

All of which got me thinking about the cute, funny things my kids used to say. Well, they still do say funny things, but now they're adults they aren't always cute.

I was writing a list of them which I will keep for another post but thought I'd share some current cuteness from my nieces and nephews in the interim.

Because "cute things kids say" - we just cant get enough amiright?

Like my family, my brother's family has four children, and, like my family, two boys and two girls. However their children are in the wrong a different order, with 2 boys then 2 girls.

My parents were babysitting the two boys, and dad peeled a mandarin for one of them, taking pains to get every "string" off the segments and making sure they were seedless. However he missed one of those tiny flat white seed-like things. (you know, a phantom seed). 

Mr C turned to my mum and with a look of agony on his face, said “oh grandma. I ated a seed”

I don’t think you did, pop was very careful.

No grandma I did. I ated a seed. You know what happens when you eat a seed don’t you?

No, C, what happens?

Please note, Mr C is somewhat prone to theatrics and uses hand gestures, stance and gesticulations to make his point abundantly clear. He did this in full dramatic overload as he said

“Well. I ated a seed and now it will grow into a mandarin then a mandarin tree and that will grow in my tummy. It will grow and grow until it grows out my ears and my nose and I will just be full of a mandarin tree”

I don’t think that will happen. Anyway you didn’t eat a seed.

Oh but I did. [In all the drama of the moment he started to cry] I’m going to have a mandarin tree growing out of me. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

C …. C. You aren’t. Do you want to know what happens if you really DID swallow a mandarin seed? It goes into your tummy, and there’s acids and stuff that break it down into a sort of dust. Then that keeps going through your tummy and comes out in your poo.

        Silence.

Grandma, I don’t know where you get your stories from, but that is just ridiculous.

Their innocence in their hilariousness is gold. Now they are starting to realise how funny they are, and make deliberate puns and jokes which is extra fun. And like any kids, they rely heavily on knock-knock jokes for their joke fix. 

Miss B is 4 and a knock-knock wizard. She will take whatever answer the last knock-knock joke had and add “poo” to the end of it for hers. This is quite a genius operation and guarantees fall off your chair laughter from her big brothers.

And her father, but let’s not go there.

Miss 4’s mother was teaching her her full name. In the cause of remaining anonymous I will use the name Anne Smith here for her, neither of which is remotely like my niece’s name.

Anne, what’s your name? Anne.

Anne what? Anne what? What?

Well, your brother C, he’s C Smith.

Uh huh.

So, what’s your name? Huh?

It’s Anne. Anne who

Oh mummy this isn’t time for knock-knock jokes. Just tell me.

I also know a lot of kid humour falls into the location joke category, in that you had to be there, but really, kid humour is the best. 

Particularly so in the case of unintentional humour, that which a lot of childish innocent humour falls under.

The look on a face when they realise they made you laugh… which changes to the look on the face wondering how. 

I sometimes wish youtube facebook and twitter had been round when my kids were younger - then I slap myself up the back of the head and realise I'm glad they weren't.

I have many many more examples of these four kidlets, and plan to share some of my own children’s quotes and jokes in another post or two, once they remind me of their hilariousness and tell me I can’t use x or y because its not funny enough… and they were much funnier in person. 

I KNOW, I was there.

And I share their genes. how lucky am I?

Twenty seven thousand

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. 
Come to the edge, he said. 
They came. 
He pushed them and they flew.
—Guillaume Apollinaire 


In my role in a public library I come across a lot of interesting things, discussions, people and concepts.


Many library staff write blogs or social media comments about their users, and yes we could write a book. But I came across something I didn't expct the other day. 

I helped someone delete twenty seven thousand emails out of their inbox. I wrote that in text so you didn't think I'd added an extra zero by accident. All unread, and all what most of us would call "junk mail".

The user had a hoarding problem, and "collected" emails from life coaches, vitamin suppliers etc by signing up for their newsletters. They in turn of course, onsold the details.

This had been going on over a few years and the person had no idea it could get so out of hand. I did suggest just opening a new account and ignoring this one til it imploded all over cyberspace.

I ended up doing some counselling and arm patting during the time it took me to get 7000 deleted. This person was trembling and distressed because a part of their brain KNEW that one of the emails I deleted would be "the one" that would be life changing. The "one" that would set a path to happiness success or just the elusive something.

"Everytime I delete some, I find one with a subject that looks interesting and I get distracted and start reading again"

Acknowledging the issue was step one, admitting it to a stranger was step two, dealing with it step three.
Many many many more steps needed to be taken and the person knew that. We merely tapped the top of the iceberg.

After thinking about this when I got back to my desk, the situation kind of depressed me because this person wasn't internet or email savvy but desperate for every skerrick of information that might complete life and fill gaps.

And I thought about how we're all hoarders to a point. Be it emotional, physical or intellectual we can be so caught up in having everything in case a piece goes by undetected, or we miss out on..a..something.

When does a habit or interest get unhealthy? 
So I googled, and yes, email hoarding is "a thing"
 
"the anxiety that goes with having to scavenge through thousands of pieces of information, hoping that you’ve responded to all your e-mails, can be overwhelming." 1. 
- This was mentioned. 

I am having panic attacks not because there's so much but because I think I've missed one.

 "The problem isn't that it slows down your computer—it slows down your brain," [...] since each of those photos, links and folders demands some mental energy. 2..- This was mentioned

I feel like I'm going mad. I'm intelligent but I want to know everything in these emails about vitamins and supplements for health and how to achieve more in my life and I am just exhausted thinking of all that I want to learn. It means I cant even think properly.

This person served as a wakeup call. The bravery I saw in this short incident was inspiring. Not learning to walk after an accident or climbing Mt Everest, but honest down to earth confrontation of a situation.

I don't need to go on, but I had to think about what I hold onto and hold as dear. How much of it is valid, how much out of habit, how much fear?

Dare I let go? (no)



Am I such a control freak I can't let go? (yes)
Am I afraid? (yes)
What am I afraid of? (no idea!)

I can't do better than turning to the Bible for solace here. Paul writes to his protege Timothy:



For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
(NLT, 2 Timothy 1:7 )
  
Amen. 
Grasp that power with both hands; if you're His, He has a firm grip on you, and holds you close.You can step to the ledge and step off. Or.. let go.














1. www.businessweek.com/debateroom/archives/2011/09/e-hoarding_is_unhealthy.html

2. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303404704577305520318265602.html

Shop til you... Stop.

I've already admitted I'm not a girly girl. Shopping doesn't do a lot for me. Today was different.

I had absolutely nothing I needed to buy, so there was no pressure to look anywhere in particular... Meaning I could just randomly look around.

Hubby was going to the movies (star trek.. um..Like.. No) and I had a couple of hours alone.

He had fifteen minutes before his movie started, so we decided to get coffees. I wandered to a shop window as he waited for the coffees, then he sat down.

What?

He gestured to the seat next to him and said 'come sit with me while we wait'
I said 'you don't have time to wait. Do you?'
Disappointment possibly dripping off every syllable.

Not, mind you that I don't like sitting with him, but.. Come on. I like to be early for everything, including the movies. I assumed he felt the same.

'Id rather spend five more minutes with you though'

Come on, dude. Guilt trip much ?
I smiled.. But accidentally groaned at the same time.

After a minute of my restless smiling, looking at my phone, smiling, sipping my coffee, smiling, looking at my phone, he said 'okay. You're in the zone. I'll just go then, will I?'
I smiled for real and said 'yep. Good plan. Don't want to be late. See ya'

Nothing I needed to buy. Meant I could look at anything .. And I did. An eclectic collection of looking and touching and thinking about, but no buying. I didn't need anything, did I?

I messaged my younger daughter 'don't you need a new purse?'

'No ma. The one I have is fine.'

'Oh... do you need makeup, knickers, anything?'

'No ma. In fact, it's Mother's Day tomorrow buy yourself something. New Docs (doc martin shoes) or a scarf or something'

I though about that for a minute and messaged back 'I did!! I found some really good hair ties and bought them'

Back came a frowny face emoticon.

Sheesh.

Then I went into a department store and remembered one of my favourite parental stories.. My parents a few months back being concerned about the future of this particular store.
Mum said 'we don't know what's going on, but they have Chinese writing everywhere, like a new Chinese slogan. It's really weird.'


This was it.

At the time, my husband said 'ah is this what you mean? Cha Ching?'
Yes, weird isn't it?

'Not really. Um not when you think about the noise an old fashioned cash register made ringing up your sale... Cha Ching!'

Dead silence followed, then mum said 'you're going to put this on Facebook aren't you?'


Yeah. I did.

So a couple of hours later, here I am in the car waiting for his movie to finish. My spoils for the day:
A new pack of hair ties (rubber band things)
A pack of coat hangers
A bottle of water
A plastic bucket with a lid to hold the compost at the kitchen sink.

I feel very satisfied. I came for nothing and I got pretty much nothing.


Cha Ching indeed.