Mum.
Everyday I think of her. Every day I think of something to tell her. Funny or dumb or frustrating, she’ll laugh, or sigh, or tell me it’s ok as appropriate.
Then I remember she has dementia and won’t understand or respond.
Then I remember she died.
In her last few days, she weakened more and more.
The last few weeks, her voice weakened, she gradually stopped eating and drinking. Her body wasted months earlier, yet her eyes brightened when we talked to her.
The last few months, her humour, sarcasm and fun were still evident in her expressions and gestures.
The last year was a rapid decline, from walking, talking, still defending the underdog and offering “help”. She knew she knew us but couldn’t place us. (My favourite - “one day I’m going to work out who your mother is, I know I know her”) … that to a frail, totally dependent, skin on a skeleton, little old lady.
It still seems surreal. If you’ve lost a parent, you know. If you’ve lost a parent you were close to, you know.
I miss her, she was my best op shop buddy, a sounding board, and made me laugh til I cried. She told me when I was being ridiculous but thought I wasn’t… and when I wasn’t but thought I was.
I miss who I was with her, and the parts of me she brought out, and the parts of her I brought out.
I miss her.. but…
I KNOW mum’s not “looking down on me” or helping me, sending signs, or ‘with me in spirit’. Nor is she an angel. This is said to us to comfort us, or by us to comfort ourselves. It’s comfort as this world knows it.
But… Seriously, if we get to Heaven and have to keep looking down on the wreck of this world, the stupidity, cruelty that happens around it, and the bumbling of our loved ones, what makes Heaven different to this life on earth? Where is the comfort in that scenario?
Heaven will be filled with joy for those who love and accept Christ, the sheep who have heard the voice of the shepherd and followed. That was mum.
Surrounded by the glory of God, a light like no other. No tears, sickness, infirmity or sorrow.
That’s comfort.
Comfort comes from knowing her poor brain is again whole and healed, her frail and brittle frame is strong and healthy, and her croaky whisper of a voice is now strongly singing praises to her king. She couldn’t sing well in her earthly life, so she’ll enjoy that. :)
Comfort comes from believing I’ll “know” her in Heaven and will see her there.
Comfort is knowing that the second she closed her eyes here on earth she opened them to see Jesus.
And that’s a comfort beyond earthly words.
Rev. 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
1 Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, “what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love him”
See also:
https://www.gotquestions.org/death-of-a-parent.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/who-will-go-to-heaven.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/heaven-like.html
