Twenty seven thousand

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. 
Come to the edge, he said. 
They came. 
He pushed them and they flew.
—Guillaume Apollinaire 


In my role in a public library I come across a lot of interesting things, discussions, people and concepts.


Many library staff write blogs or social media comments about their users, and yes we could write a book. But I came across something I didn't expct the other day. 

I helped someone delete twenty seven thousand emails out of their inbox. I wrote that in text so you didn't think I'd added an extra zero by accident. All unread, and all what most of us would call "junk mail".

The user had a hoarding problem, and "collected" emails from life coaches, vitamin suppliers etc by signing up for their newsletters. They in turn of course, onsold the details.

This had been going on over a few years and the person had no idea it could get so out of hand. I did suggest just opening a new account and ignoring this one til it imploded all over cyberspace.

I ended up doing some counselling and arm patting during the time it took me to get 7000 deleted. This person was trembling and distressed because a part of their brain KNEW that one of the emails I deleted would be "the one" that would be life changing. The "one" that would set a path to happiness success or just the elusive something.

"Everytime I delete some, I find one with a subject that looks interesting and I get distracted and start reading again"

Acknowledging the issue was step one, admitting it to a stranger was step two, dealing with it step three.
Many many many more steps needed to be taken and the person knew that. We merely tapped the top of the iceberg.

After thinking about this when I got back to my desk, the situation kind of depressed me because this person wasn't internet or email savvy but desperate for every skerrick of information that might complete life and fill gaps.

And I thought about how we're all hoarders to a point. Be it emotional, physical or intellectual we can be so caught up in having everything in case a piece goes by undetected, or we miss out on..a..something.

When does a habit or interest get unhealthy? 
So I googled, and yes, email hoarding is "a thing"
 
"the anxiety that goes with having to scavenge through thousands of pieces of information, hoping that you’ve responded to all your e-mails, can be overwhelming." 1. 
- This was mentioned. 

I am having panic attacks not because there's so much but because I think I've missed one.

 "The problem isn't that it slows down your computer—it slows down your brain," [...] since each of those photos, links and folders demands some mental energy. 2..- This was mentioned

I feel like I'm going mad. I'm intelligent but I want to know everything in these emails about vitamins and supplements for health and how to achieve more in my life and I am just exhausted thinking of all that I want to learn. It means I cant even think properly.

This person served as a wakeup call. The bravery I saw in this short incident was inspiring. Not learning to walk after an accident or climbing Mt Everest, but honest down to earth confrontation of a situation.

I don't need to go on, but I had to think about what I hold onto and hold as dear. How much of it is valid, how much out of habit, how much fear?

Dare I let go? (no)



Am I such a control freak I can't let go? (yes)
Am I afraid? (yes)
What am I afraid of? (no idea!)

I can't do better than turning to the Bible for solace here. Paul writes to his protege Timothy:



For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
(NLT, 2 Timothy 1:7 )
  
Amen. 
Grasp that power with both hands; if you're His, He has a firm grip on you, and holds you close.You can step to the ledge and step off. Or.. let go.














1. www.businessweek.com/debateroom/archives/2011/09/e-hoarding_is_unhealthy.html

2. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303404704577305520318265602.html