Do my sighs look big in this?

It's no wonder I'm confused. Here's how the conversation went down. (Names changed) talking about church band.

Him: hmm jack just rang and said can I play Sunday instead of mark because he's at camp.
Me: so did you say yes?
Him: what? No, I'm ringing mark to see what's happening.
Me: um. Okay. Um, I thought you were giving jack more chances to play?
Him: what?
Me: Is that the kettle boiling?

Hours later, recounting the story to friends...
Me: to friend: so are you playing in band timorrow?
Friend: no. Have the day off.
Him: no, Mark's playing.
Me: I thought Mark was at camp?
Him: what?
Me: you said before that Mark's at camp.
Him: what? No, I said jack rang and asked can I play.
Me: exactly.
Friends wife: so Jack got the roster wrong, he wasn't playing at all?
Him: that's right.
Me: what? I so didn't get that out of that conversation.
Him: you never do.
Me: Hang on. If you had said "jack rang and asked me to play in his place because he's at camp, then when I checked the roster, Mark was playing anyway" I'd have understood you.
Him: I did.

The size of my sighs. They vary, depending on the day.

Today we visited a garden store. There was a beautiful 7 foot tall fibreglass elephant. I almost fell over in excitement.
Me: ooh, look at that elephant. It's amazing. I'd love that in the garden.
Him: we could call it stampy, like on the Simpsons.
Me: we could! And he could hide like he is now, and give people a surprise when they came around the corner.
Him: and we could charge the local kids for a ride.
Me: and then he'd pay for himself in no time!

*Takes a photo of said elephant and posts to Facebook.*

Me: I've never seen a pretend elephant that big. I mean they have those little ones about a foot tall but really what's the point when they're, like, huge. This is the most perfect thing for the garden I've ever seen.
Him: hmmm

Me: omigosh and look at it from this side! Ack! I love it. I wonder how much it is?
Him: pfft heaps, I'd say.'
Me: oh probably. Imagine though, taking it home on a trailer. Imagine all the other drivers doing double takes looking at it. How awesome would that be!
Him: um.. We're not getting it, you know that, right?
Me: oh, of course we aren't. But it IS great, huh?
Him: I'm serious, we aren't getting it.
Me: yeah, I know. But it would be pretty cool, wouldn't it? Imagine when we have grand kids and they tell their friends we have an elephant in the back yard. Heck imagine US telling people we have an elephant in the back yard.
Him: its not happening.
Me: hmmm. What did we come here for again?
Him: retaining wall stuff, barbecue, shade sails..
Me: not an elephant right?
Him: right.
Me: we're not buying anything today though are we?
Him: no, just looking.
Me: *skips* Ex-ACT-ly.

The size of his sighs.
They vary depending on the day.