I found this in a virtual folder. It made me laugh because I wrote it just before I turned 30. I didn't ever submit it for publication. I then found it, pulled it out and dusted it off just before I turned 40. I still didn't submit it for publication.
Now here I am, almost 50, pulling it out (again), tightening it up (again), editing it (again) and... putting it here.
* With the advent of social media, one point has changed, but I left it in.
Now you’re
not a baby, or a babe. You’re a part of
the group you used to cringe at 10 to 20 years ago.
(“Like as if people over 30 know anything about clothes or music or guys
or anything.”) It’s time to take stock
and realise that just because you’d rather get a good night’s sleep than a full night's drinking, your life isn’t anything like over.
Some
of the advantages of being a “grown up”:
- You
KNOW you’re not Superwoman. When
friends offer help of any sort, you’ll say yes, because you know your
back, arms, head, sleep, family and job will thank you for it, and your friend won't hate you for it
- You’re learning to love the skin you’re in. Wrinkles, sags and bulges prove you’re not the naive ‘thang’ you used to be.
- When you go to hear live music, you actually go to hear the music and can’t stand the people who just go to meet up..
- if you buy a great car, it will last, because you don’t have to drive to impress anyone.
- You know better than to drink a $6 bottle of wine. And you know why a bottle of 98 Cabernet Sauvignon is better than a six-pack at a barbie.
- Shopping for clothes is much bigger than finding the tightest pair of jeans.
- You’d rather go for a movie and coffee with “the girls” than the drive in with “Steve”.
- Your fridge actually has food in it. And if it’s green, it’s meant to be.
- Chocolate = pimples doesn’t scare you any more.
- You love foreign or indie movies.
- Slow songs make you cry.
- You’re not embarrassed to talk to your partner about birth control.
- If you’re at a computer, it’s usually because you’re working.
- Videos and movies about violence or destruction hold no interest at all.
- You know not to tolerate ANY violence in a relationship.
- Kids movies are as much or more fun when you’re not a kid.
- You’ve learned that your career isn’t your life.
- You take your health seriously, and you’ve learned your body’s language.
Some basic rules now you’re over that big number.
- Buy yourself nice lingerie. Just for you, because it makes you feel good.
- Buy silk sheets. Even if you’re sleeping alone, you can still enjoy them.
- Married men usually stay that way. Avoid them. (Unless of course, you’re married to yours!)
- Don’t always act your age.
- You are NEVER too old for slumber parties.
- Money doesn't buy class.
- The time to be happy is now.
- Life isn’t always smooth sailing. Get used to it.
- Pap smears and mammograms are too important to forget.
- Love yourself as you are. Do you want to spend the rest of your life holding in your stomach or wearing super sucker undies?
Signs you’ve definitely grown up:
- When taking your daughter shopping, the anorexic sales assistant in the trendy boutique either: a. offers you a chair, or b. asks if the music is too loud.
- Your favourite song from high school is now musak in elevators. Or being remade with a techno backing.
- 45, or 50-year-old men look gorgeous, in a distinguished kind of way.
- You spend nearly as much at the pharmacy as you do on groceries. And it’s not on condoms and flavoured lip-gloss any more.
- Breakfast time? You eat breakfast food.
- Instead of engagement presents and weddings, your friends are getting divorces and fighting for their half of everything.
- When they show “Flashbacks” on TV, you know what you were doing when the events originally happened.
- You see a celebrity “idol” from your youth ahead of you in the supermarket and you smile, not scream hysterically.
- That idol? He’s really aged.
Remember:
We don't stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop
laughing.
(possibly Michael Pritchard )
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