One step at a time

Fourteen days and counting...

The last two weeks have been far less stressful or emotional than I had assumed they might be. Giving up my meds so far has been fine, though I know I still have a long way to go.

Interestingly, I thought the meds increased my weight, but since coming off them, I have put on weight - only a smidge mind you but enough that me, who has been on a fitness kick, notices.

I think I'm glad I have my walk/run routine, it clears my head and gives me a break from myself. I am fully aware that because I have the personality I do, I could turn the routine into an obsession, but I'm playing that carefully as well.

I'm looking forward to being completely free of meds, but at the same time am fully cognisant that if I need to I will jump back on board with them. My overthinking, over imaginative self can be chaos. As I have mentioned, it's anxiety that gets me, and that's how. My brain chatters non stop.

I am always interested to read other people's stories, and today read that Wil Wheaton (Star Trek, Big Bang theory, beer maker and nerd) recognised his own need for medicated stability. I had known it, but to re-read his story was encouraging.
http://www.nami.org/Template_itstime.cfm?Section=Its_Time&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=163694


I would urge that if you struggle, seek help. Don't think it will blow over or it'll be better after (insert whatever thing you think is holding you back from joy) happens. It might, it might not. Don't assume anything. Chances are more likely that you are prolonging finding help.

If you know, work with or live with a depressive, can I make some suggestions?

Don't tell them they look fine. (But you always look happy!)
Don't tell them they don't look depressed. (What does this look like anyway?)
Don't tell them they're doing well (if they obviously aren't)
Don't tell them they'll be okay in a few days.
Don't tell them they just need time out.
Don't tell them it's a sign of our busy lives.
Don't tell them they need more faith (ugh my least favourite comment, even if it may be true)
Don't tell them you know how they feel (even if you've been diagnosed depressed, we're all different)


Do listen to them.  I know, some people go on and on. They need to see someone professionally.. You need to help them see that. (Tough gig)
Do be honest without being hurtful. ('Yep, you could have handled that differently, but you didn't. So let's not overanalyse it, let's move forward. What do you wish you'd done that you can do next time?')
Do encourage them.
Do - just be there. At their low, they won't want to talk. As someone commented yesterday 'talking, that's when I hurt people the most'. So just be there.
Do learn their nonverbal language. People I know well ask me if I'm in my 'cave'. Recognising it without being patronising is great.
Do understand it isn't them against you. The sadness, anxiety or fear... It's against and about them.

While on one hand I would say 'allowing them to find their way out' is respectful, on the other hand, if you even remotely think the person isn't coping, seems sadder than usual or isn't responding as usual, get them extra help.
I have never been suicidal, so I can't speak from experience, but sometimes it's only hindsight that shows where the signals were missed. Just be aware.

If you're the praying sort, can I just encourage you to give them to God in your prayers. They don't need to know, just quietly place their name at the cross. Whenever they are on your mind, lift them to Him.

Depression is a major bummer. You aren't alone, and you can get help. Find your coping mechanism, it may be physical exercise, it may be gardening, it may be talking to a friend. Photography, writing, running, reading, art, craft... Whatever is your (healthy) release, push yourself to do it. On the days you have zero motivation, try that bit harder to push yourself. On your lowest day, following through may not make you feel better but at least your body or brain has had a workout.

Learn your triggers. I read an extraordinary amount. Internet, blogs, journals, books, you name it. But I can't read too many sad books consecutively. The times I have, I've found that life's 'real' sad moments magnify themselves. Real life, with its idiosyncrasies and uncertainties, becomes unbearable and frustrating. And the real people are the ones who bear the brunt of it. (I can't yell at book characters. Well I can, but it's pointless)
I can't watch the news if I've been reading too much news or journalism, as I become too cynical.
So I have learnt to guard myself. To monitor my reading and my interactions.

You need to learn to get on with people even if they bring out your worst, or are your trigger; they aren't responsible for your mood or your reaction, you are.
They are who they are, and not everyone finds you sparkling company either, so cut them some slack. Reducing your interactions with them without appearing (or being) rude can be hard work.

Don't beat yourself up about everything. My biggest failing. A counsellor once commented something like 'aah, you're one of those people who has to be perfect all the time. Sorry about that. There was only one person I know of in history who was perfect, and nobody liked Him. In fact they killed Him. On a cross. So, you still wanna be perfect?"
Let go of perfect. It doesn't exist, except in your imagination.

Look back on every day to find a glimmer of good in it. You will (maybe grudgingly) find it. It might just be that you made a cup of coffee without spilling it. Or that you had a shower. Grab hold of it.

And move one hour or one day ahead. One foot in front of the other. Be kind to yourself.