Back home....

You know how if you've done something...or experienced something... And you try to explain it... And you just want to say "you had to be there"... ?
Whether its a holiday, a visit, a conference, training, whatever, "you had to be there" to understand the nuance of the conversation or the vastness of the countryside or the taste of the coffee or the information absorbed.
And that's not snobbery or exclusivity, it's a fact.

Coming back after anything of note makes you reassess life, home, work. Coming back from a different culture or experience can make you look twice at your lifestyle and your country's choices. You question your motives, second guess your thoughts.

And there is a part of you that will never be the same. A certain part of you that you have left with a someone or a someplace that you may never recover even if you go back to the same places.

"In Poland, I saw God's Holy Spirit work in ways I'd never seen before. Back home in my everyday routine, that wasn't the case. For one thing, I have found entire days passing...  without my talking to God. In Poland, the ways I saw God at work drove me to my knees multiple times each day" 
http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/reentry.htm

I read this the other day and knew I had to use it, because it kind of describes my experience. Okay I didn't go to Poland, but other than that it's pretty close.

I did see things that drove me to my knees, things that made me cry to God either in joy or anger. Things that made me gasp in wonder, that made me shake my head or that made me thankful for His hand holding mine.

And when we're on our knees the best place to look is up. 
And I looked up into God's face so many times, sometimes in laughter at a child's comments, sometimes seeking mercy over a child's situation.

And every time, He answered.

Not with a loud voice or a booming sound, as some imagine.
Sometimes it was a feeling of peace, other times a distinct thought that I knew wasn't mine. If it was of love, I knew it to be of God.

And back in my own country and home, things drive me to my knees, but I forget to look up. I am tempted to sort out my own issues and control my own environment, forgetting the one who is in control.

Meanwhile, 
A throwaway comment by someone may set off memories both good and bad.
A casual conversation can have my mind wandering in other directions.
Seeing an action or behaviour can give me a revisit. 

... And I go back to remembering that I don't have control and I need to seek the one who does. 

And that the answer is here with me, not just in China.
And that's a hard one to remember!