Re-entry reality

They call it "re-entry". A small hyphenated word that describes something you can't prepare for.
It's the term used to cover a person's arrival "home" after a trip away, in my case a short term mission trip. The same occurs after holidays etc but in this case it's a psyche and spiritual change as well as the cultural experiences.

In the same way you can be told about childbirth, then go through it and wonder why nobody actually TOLD you about it, you can read and hear about "re-entry" and then experience it.

Our team did undergo re-entry discussion sessions and heard from others who had already done this re-entry thing before. 

And we nodded sagely.
And we were warned gently about the things that can happen, the things that might happen and the things that rarely happen but we needed to be aware of.
and we nodded sagely.

The discrepancy between the culture we were leaving and our 'home' culture could cause stress.
Our friends and family not knowing what we have been through could cause stress.
People asking if I had a "nice holiday" could cause stress.
Watching people indiscriminately spend money could be a stressor.
Things unknown could cause stress.

And I arrived home overprepared to deal with the stress. 
I was so in control of my situation I would be unfazed, wouldn't I?
I would handle this with grace and aplomb.
Humour intact at all times.

And my husband asked questions I didn't expect from an angle I hadn't considered.
And people asked questions I didn't expect.
And I wandered through the days in a nice vague cloud. 
Conversations happened around me and I smiled and nodded and agreed. I raised an eyebrow or shrugged, but didn't actually engage with any comments.

I saw my husband struggle to come to terms with a wife whose earth axis had shifted without him. 
I showed photos of the beautiful children I met, I talked in vague terms about what we did, I shrugged and said that yes it was an incredible experience.
I sent emails, checked Facebook and chatted on the phone.
And I told people it was "awesome awesome"

But only a part of my brain was responding. How did I not see?

Life was fairly subdued in my cloud. I stayed there for a while, confident I was coping well.

Then one morning the cloud went away.
I hadn't even known it was there, I was only made aware of it by its absence.

And I thought "man ... I've been to freaking China."
How can this have happened?

.... To be continued